The
Coffin, (a little graveyard humour).
There once was a man who was walking home alone one dark,
wet and windy night. His walk took him down the west road, right past Aughvale cemetery.
As he passed the stone walls, he heard a strange bumping noise in the darkness behind him. Not daring to look back, he quickened his pace, but the bumping noise continued behind him. He stopped and turned to see what it was. Coming down the road behind him was a coffin, standing on end, bumping from side to side. BUMP, BUMP, BUMP.
The man couldn’t believe his eyes. Terrified, he turned and ran into the driving rain. Behind him, the coffin came faster – BUMP, BUMP, BUMP!
Ahead of him, there was a branch that had fallen from a tree. He reached down and grabbed it as he ran by. He turned and threw it at the coffin – but it just splintered and the coffin continued chasing him faster and faster – BUMP, BUMP, BUMP!
The man reached his house and ran through his front gate, the
coffin right behind him. The man dashed into his house, but the coffin crashed through the front door. The front of the coffin swung open and the man glimpsed the horrible sight of a dead skeleton inside.
He ran upstairs followed by the coffin. He grabbed his shotgun from under the bed. Then he took aim and blasted the coffin with both barrels, but the shot bounced harmlessly off the coffin as it continued up the stairs – BUMP, CLOMP, BUMP, CLOMP!
The man, desperate and scared to death, ran into the bathroom and locked the door – but he knew it would do no good. The coffin banged against the door and suddenly the door exploded and the coffin came through it.
In desperation the man reached out his hand and grabbed the first thing he could reach. It was a bottle of cough medicine. He threw it at the coffin and you know what?
As he passed the stone walls, he heard a strange bumping noise in the darkness behind him. Not daring to look back, he quickened his pace, but the bumping noise continued behind him. He stopped and turned to see what it was. Coming down the road behind him was a coffin, standing on end, bumping from side to side. BUMP, BUMP, BUMP.
The man couldn’t believe his eyes. Terrified, he turned and ran into the driving rain. Behind him, the coffin came faster – BUMP, BUMP, BUMP!
Ahead of him, there was a branch that had fallen from a tree. He reached down and grabbed it as he ran by. He turned and threw it at the coffin – but it just splintered and the coffin continued chasing him faster and faster – BUMP, BUMP, BUMP!
The man reached his house and ran through his front gate, the
coffin right behind him. The man dashed into his house, but the coffin crashed through the front door. The front of the coffin swung open and the man glimpsed the horrible sight of a dead skeleton inside.
He ran upstairs followed by the coffin. He grabbed his shotgun from under the bed. Then he took aim and blasted the coffin with both barrels, but the shot bounced harmlessly off the coffin as it continued up the stairs – BUMP, CLOMP, BUMP, CLOMP!
The man, desperate and scared to death, ran into the bathroom and locked the door – but he knew it would do no good. The coffin banged against the door and suddenly the door exploded and the coffin came through it.
In desperation the man reached out his hand and grabbed the first thing he could reach. It was a bottle of cough medicine. He threw it at the coffin and you know what?
The coffin stopped.
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