O'Leary's Rotten Auld Cake.

The following poem that I’ve written is based upon the old Irish song Mrs Fogarty’s Christmas Cake

 

O’Leary’s rotten auld cake.

 

I was sat in the kitchen this morning

When a letter was given to me

A Christmas invitation that said

“Come to O’Leary’s for tea

I decided to go, that was a mistake

For the first thing they gave me

Was some rotten auld cake?

 

Full of raisins and cherries

Nuts and orange peel too

There was spices and cinnamon

 The icing tasted of glue.

 

There were seeds as big as brass bullets

 That gave you a right stomach ache

They could kill you twice after eating a slice of

O’Leary’s rotten auld cake.

 

I’m sorry now that I tried it

It was stuck in me teeth like cement

I tried working it loose but it wasn’t no use

No matter how hard my intent.

 

O’Malley came in with a chisel

And Moran came in with a saw

But that cake was enough to call any man’s bluff

It could break both your teeth and your jaw.

 

O’leary completely oblivious

Sat smiling and chatting away

Till Murphy tripped over the carpet

And spilt some poteen in the tay.

 

I said to Murphy “You’re not eatin

Would you share a piece of my cake?”

He looked in me eye and started to cry

And said “Have mercy for pity’s sake”

 

The whole crowd were howling and moaning

O’ Lochlainn had a pain in the head

Reilly lay down on the sofa

And O’Neil wished he were dead.

Duffy went into a coma

I thought there might be a wake

We all thought that we had been poisoned

O’Leary’s rotten auld cake.